As the NFL draft has finally come and gone, the sick taste in my mouth — generated from all the overhype — has finally left. After months of sports networks being flooded by draft talk, I’ve come to understand who or what these top-eight NFL teams really need. Pay close attention; this is a real “mock” draft:

1. Detroit Lions: Edward Liddy. After finishing with an NFL worst of 0-16, the Lions are in dire need of a bailout. With Liddy’s experience of milking Washington’s resources, the former AIG CEO is an obvious choice for the Lions.

2.  St. Louis Rams: Emeril Lagasse. After a season lacking highlights, big plays and flair, new head coach Steve Spagnulo will be looking to spice up his team’s game. Bam!

3. Kansas City Chiefs: Dr. Gregory House, M.D. from House. With a new GM, a new quarterback and new veteran players, the Chiefs are on a path to reviving their franchise. With the acquisition of House, this team has the witty attitude and expertise needed to heal a broken franchise.

4. Seattle Seahawks: The cast and crew of Slumdog Millionaire. If Seattle wants to come out of the gutter in the weak NFC West, nothing would help the team more than the crew who pieced together a film that won eight Oscars. If the Seahawks want to win in 2009, they’ll have to turn their script into the “feel-good story of the year.”

5. Cleveland Browns: LeBron James. If the Browns want to have as much success as their NBA cousins, they need to go directly to the source. James is a no-brainer pick.

6. Cincinnati Bengals: Barack Obama. A struggling franchise continues to be at the bottom end of the league. Fans would agree “it’s time for change.”

7. Oakland Raiders: Somalian pirates. This franchise continues to struggle, and it holds a reputation as one of the most poorly managed teams in the league by tyrant owner Al Davis. There’s nothing more fitting for the Raiders than a band of scallywag swashbucklers to raid the ship from an owner who will continue to lead this team to its doom.

8. Jacksonville Jaguars: Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger. In 2008, the Jaguars were caught in a downward spiral that gave them a disappointing 5-11 finish. Who better to navigate this team into safe waters than American hero Captain Sully?