Far, far away in the land of red-coated policemen, cheap beer and funny accents, Canada, “America’s hat,” sits backward and to the side in the NHL. The country that so cleverly invented the game of fast-skating, hard-hitting, toothless on-ice brawls is far from qualified to represent their dearly loved sport on a national level.

The lack of Canadian national pride in the NHL has become so scarce it has almost become equivalent to how many warm and tingly feelings Americans have for the World Baseball Classic. In Canada, instead of drinking to enjoy the game, they drink to cope with the game.

A decade and a half has passed since a Canadian-based NHL team has failed to win the Stanley Cup since 1993. Hockey fans from the “True North” have the right to remain dismal about the 2009 campaign. Since the Montreal Canadiens won their 24th cup in 1993, Canadian teams have watched painfully for 14 seasons as United States based teams have hoisted Lord Stanley over their heads, while hockey fans up north watched in agony.

And don’t think the Canadian teams haven’t tried to win the Stanley Cup.

Four teams have fallen to American opponents over the past 14 years, three being in the last four years. The ailing element of this entire travesty is whom, in fact, these teams are placing second to in the finals. In 2004, the fiery offensive underdog Calgary Flames fed off the success of goaltender Miikka Kiprusoff, only to be cut down in a seventh and final game by the Tampa Bay Lightning. In the next Stanley Cup finals in 2005, the Edmonton Oilers suffered a heartbreaking series loss to the Carolina Hurricanes. The next year, the Ottawa Senators had a mediocre performance against the Anaheim Ducks and lost the finals in five games. 

Canada, it’s one thing to fail against potent Original Six teams, where hockey is just as respected as in Canada. But falling to teams with players who own beach houses, play on half-melted ice and neighbor movie stars — such as the last three Canadian teams in the finals — is just pitiable. 

While Canada does have four of its six teams in the playoffs, the remainder of the season for each team looks dim. The Habs face issues with star players; the Senators remain plagued by injury; the Maple Leafs look like they’re skating in syrup; and the Flames, Canucks and Oilers continue to bring each other down with their callous division rivalry.

If the Canadian NHL teams ever wants to return to Stanley Cup prosperity, they have to refuel their sense of pride in representing the nation that invented the sport. Canada, how about you stop pushing your countrymen down, and quit losing to teams with palm trees outside their arenas. Go win the cup, eh?