Follow-up: Maturity is what girls want
After receiving quite a bit of feedback on my column from a few weeks ago (the one about girls being too dependent on men), I’ve decided to direct my attention to men this time — or should I say boys? This brings me to the point of my article: Girls do not want to be in a relationship with someone they feel they have to babysit. This is one reason younger girls are frequently seen with much older men. The way for any guy to land a quality girl is to be more motivated — someone who acts like a mature adult and knows how to take care of himself. Acting your age and not your shoe size will go a long, long way.
This whole man-versus-boy division has several key points that must be addressed. First of all, there is a big distinction between having a seriously good time and having time to get serious. Guys who take the time to focus on school, work and their future are seen as stable and therefore much more desirable. Don’t get me wrong — girls like a guy who knows how to go out and have some fun, but partying should never be a first priority. Girls won’t ever take a guy seriously if all he wants to do is go out and drink three, four, five nights of the week while his successful future slips farther and farther out of reach.
Secondly, it’s good to have friends, but it’s bad to act like an immature jackass once you get around your friends. I understand boys act and say things differently when it comes to their quality “guy time,” and it’s important for a girl to see how a guy interacts within his group of friends. But if a boy’s maturity level does a complete 180 when he’s around his friends, a girl will notice. And I guarantee she will lose interest.
Thirdly, girls don’t like to act like little mothers. There are special circumstances, like taking care of a guy when he feels sick or occasionally cooking for him, that are actually fun. But picking up after him, cleaning his stuff or reminding him to shower gets really tiring; girls like guys who can fully stand on their own. The dating period is as good as the relationship will ever be. So if a girl has to pick up after her boyfriend during that period, then things will only get worse the more serious the relationship becomes. And most women in this present society no longer look forward to a future of dishes and laundry.
Lastly, with a sense of maturity comes a sense of independence. Like I mentioned in my previous article, needy girls won’t get guys; no one likes to feel suffocated or caged-in. Coming on too strong will actually lower interest levels. Well surprise, surprise — girls feel the exact same way about needy boys. My advice for either sex: Don’t make yourself too available.
Maybe females can be too dependent and needy, but males have their own issues. For boys, maturity goes a long way. No girl wants to be with someone who is on the same level as their seventh-grade brother.
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Hi Amanda,
Great truth, but I have a slight disagreement. All of this and that all goes back to games. Games that have to do with being the “most desirable.” We all know about these games, so I dont need to elaborate on it. But at the end of the day, all these games are silly and petty. If we were all just truthful, honest, and genuine…there would be no problems of “what do they really want? what do they really mean?” because it has already been said and done. Even if it comes to the worst, “I just want to have sex” or “I am dating multiple people, not just you.” Honesty has always been the best policy.
Ms. Bungartz,
I feel that there are many things that are quite wrong about your assumptions in this article. I wish to respond with outlines of how and why this is so, but I am unable to do so at this moment in time. I will hopefully have a response for you soon enough, when I have the luxury of time (most likely during reading week).
There is one thing that I want to throw out there. I have had people say the very things you have outlined – manners, politeness, respect, maturity, etc. are present in my person. Unfortunately, I have also had girls say “You’ll make a great boyfriend for some lucky girl” – and I can *hear* the unsaid qualifier of “just not me”.
Hope this gives some food for thought.