Adoption is solution to abortion issue
Comments
by Ben Almand on November 18, 2009 at 11:25 pm under Opinion
A lot of people dislike me for my views on abortion. I’ve been called a “fascist,” “extremist” and “right-wing nut-job,” among other demeaning terms. Let this article be my peacemaking with such condemnation.
I am pro-life, which is something most can at least respect — that is, until they hear my thoughts on exceptions. I only have one: The exception is the rape of a child, a girl who has recently reached the age of childbearing. Abortion of an unborn child is only acceptable if a young girl is raped and when childbirth will result in the death of the mother.
The first excuse given is the most common: A woman should have rights over her own body. This is probably the easiest point to argue against. If a woman has rights over her body, mothers should be allowed to drink and smoke with their children inside them.
Pregnant and non-pregnant women should be allowed to do heroin, cocaine and meth. Legalize all illicit drugs, and acquit all those guilty of attempted murder by means of fetal alcohol syndrome. To say a woman has free reign over her own body is to allow her to dissolve drug laws and mistreat an unborn baby.
The second excuse is the most sympathetic to the feminine cause: rape of a woman, leading to an unwanted pregnancy.
Rape is a horrible thing that cannot be tolerated under any circumstances. However, those left with the unfortunate pregnancy resulting from rape use it as an excuse to abort the child. This is just as unacceptable as the rape itself. The killing of an innocent child will not ease the traumatic experience, but intensify it.
But many ask: Why should a woman have to spend her life with the child? She doesn’t have to. The answer is simple: adoption.
To pregnant rape victims: My sincerest sympathies to you, and may your burdens be eased. However, a piece of advice in your suffering: Abortion does not solve rape. Adoption, however, gives another couple a chance to have a beautiful baby boy or girl.
To mothers pregnant by means of consensual sex who are considering abortion or women who have had one before, may you learn from your horrendous mistake of murder and not continue in your reckless, selfish ways.
For those considering abortion, adoption is always the answer. Who knows? Your child could find a cure to cancer or AIDS. Don’t take the chance.
9 Comments
I don’t dislike you for you view on abortion, Mr. Almand. I dislike you for your inability to see women as human beings. Human beings do have a right to decide what goes on in their own bodies. That’s why, although it may be immoral, it is not illegal to refuse to donate a liver lobe, bone marrow, or even blood to someone who will die without it. But in your mind, women must donate their entire bodies for nine months to a person who doesn’t even exist yet and then, if we don’t want to be mothers, give the resulting baby to a stranger. Clearly we are not quite human to you.
In your world, embryos are children and women are incubators. Your “sympathy” for rape victims rings every bit as true as your lack of sympathy for the women you expect to go through nine months of pregnancy so they can give away the baby. I can see how you would think this is easy for a woman to do, though, since you believe we are heartless creatures who would, if not for the law, delight in poisoning our children-to-be with every drug we can score. It truly is a wonder any child anywhere was ever born healthy without the likes of Mr. Almand to set its mommy straight.
Who knows? Your child could be the next Hitler. That’s just as likely as its finding a cancer cure. Women, don’t take the chance: do what’s right for YOU, and let self-righteous twits like Ben get high and mighty about it. He may be screaming at you about murder outside the abortion clinic, but he won’t be there to help you raise that child or deal with the emotional pain of putting a child up for adoption.
Your basic thesis is: “The killing of an innocent child will not ease the traumatic experience, but intensify it.” It is filled with more holes than swiss cheese.
1) Abortion does not “kill” a “child” it terminates a pregnancy. It is only in SOME religions that there is a belief that life begins at conception. This is not universally accepted religiously or legally. The bible speaks of God breathing life into a human being – that only happens at birth, not before. I fully respect the rights of those who believe so to not have have abortions!
2) Adoption causes LIFELONG UNRESOLVEABLE grief for mother and child! It is known t cause post traumatic stress disorder, increased risk of secondary infertility, depression, and difficulties in all future relationships. Do not dare tell me that it is less traumatic to sentence a woman – of any age – to a nine month sentence for a crime committed by another! Do not tell me that it is less traumatic knowing a child of yours – related t you – is “out there” somewhere and you have no idea of that child is well cared or not! Even so-called open adoption promises to do not prevent that from happening, as promises can be broken and open adoption contracts are unenforceable.
There are WAY more than enough – 129,000 in US foster care alone who COULD be adopted – children needing adoption. We do not need to create more unwanted children to fill a demand or to have more converts for fundamentalists.
Finally, I would like to pint out that pitting adoption against abortion is insulting and hurtful to very adopted person and their mothers. No one needs to feel “grateful” they were not aborted or were at more risk of being.
Expectant mothers who are unsure of their ability to parent need support and resources to keep their family together – not a choice between the devil and the deep blue sea. Jesus taught us to help those in need, not to judge them or exploit their limitations; financial, age or marital status. Even parents needing treatment or parenting classes should be given those opportunities as Jesus helped prostitutes.
Adoption and abortion have nothing to do with each other. For most women/girls (including me) that choose adoption, abortion was never an option.
Ben, I am not going to attack you for your views on abortion, although my own view is that the solution for anyone who is anti-abortion is that they just don’t have an abortion, which rules out all men anyway (Similarly: Don’t like gay marriage? Then don’t marry a gay person.).
But I disagree strongly with you that adoption is an alternative to abortion. The two events are so entirely different as to not be related to each other except for the fact that they (like morning sickness and labour pains) are related to pregnancy.
You see, the decision regarding abortion is made early on in pregnancy: abort or become a mother. The decision about adoption can only be made post-birth: be a mother raising your child or a mother without your child. The hormones, physical changes, and chemical changes in the brain resulting from pregnancy and childbirth all create a woman who is 180-degrees different from the person she was 9 months before. She will become a mother and have all those instincts, milk for her baby, spiked-high oxytocin levels that cause her to bond with her baby, etc. Hence, it should only be post-birth, post-recovery (which takes at least 6 weeks) that she should be ever considering adoption. Before that, she’s vulnerable to coercion from others (due to pregnancy and birthing hormones affecting her), and does not have the information and knowledge about her baby to be able to know truly what she will be losing.
Adoption is not the answer to abortion. Providing women with morning-after pills to prevent conception altogether, and providing them with all resources they need in order to parent their children and NOT feel forced to surrender their babies to adoption (many adoptees call themselves “nine-month abortions”) unless they truly find post-birth that they do not love or want their babies, and providing a kinship care option for grandparents and others in the family to step in and take legal custody — those are true options.
Isn’t it true that abortion rates are highest in areas where women lack the resources and support to raise their children? Let’s prevent abortion by supporting and celebrating all mothers!
I cannot quite comprehend how you can bare the guilt of murdering another human being, but suffer through the “emotional pain” of putting your children up for adoption. Sure you may become attached to them in a way, then you may start to worry or what have you, but atleast you know that your child is alive. Just thinking about murdering my own child disturbs me to a very deep level, a disturbance I get from just being a human with emotions. I do agree with some of what Cedar said in the end that we need more support for the women going through the stress of pregnancy. But murder should not even be an option.
I really do not think that Ben was being chauvinistic or inconsiderate,he was simply giving the voice to the babies that don’t yet have one. The US Census estimated that 4.7% of women who are raped become pregnant. Yet the statistic for women that are getting abortions due to rape are only at 1%, this suggests that it is possible for a woman to endure the nine months with the life inside of her that shares half of her genetic makeup. 1% of all abortions occur because of rape or incest; 6% of abortions occur because of potential health problems regarding either the mother or child, and 93% of all abortions occur for social reasons (i.e. the child is unwanted or inconvenient). I really think that the main issue concerning pro-abortion is not really the idea of the mother being sexually abused, but the idea that there is a quick and simple fix when one cannot keep their hormones under control.
Abortion is an easy way to nip ‘problems’ in the beginning. It is irresponsible and teaches people that they really don’t have to take accountability for their actions.
Ben was not discounting the lives of women by suggesting that adoption be used instead of abortion, though he may not have a uterus himself, he understands probably way more than most people on the benefits of adoption rather than abortion. He understands the in’s and out’s of the system and the benefits that it can bring.
Laurel, may I please say that I personally know Ben Almand. If he advocates adoption as I know he does, if sees a woman in need and she is trying to make the tough decision, then he will be there for her. He is a compassionate person and he will not advocate something and then not stand behind it. If you knew him yourself before you called him a “self righteous twit” then you would have refrained from calling him it. I cannot count the number of times that he has used every mean he could to help a female in distress. I would just advise you to not make unjust assumptions about someone’s character until you know a little bit about them; it just makes you look bad.
Ms. Riben-“There are WAY more than enough – 129,000 in US foster care alone who COULD be adopted – children needing adoption. We do not need to create more unwanted children to fill a demand or to have more converts for fundamentalists.” If they were truly ‘unwanted’ why do you thin some people fight for years upon years to adopt a child? I know so many people who have been adopted, or who have adopted, or are looking to adopt. They are not unwanted. Let me repeat that for emphasis, they are not unwanted, just because you don’t necessarily want to adopt does not give you the right to generalize these children by saying that.
“Even parents needing treatment or parenting classes should be given those opportunities as Jesus helped prostitutes.” Jesus helped prostitutes not by encouraging their actions, but by leading them to chose better options and by teaching them of his ultimate love and mercy. Ben is encouraging women to chose better options as well. Don’t pull the Jesus card unless you know more about it. Ben is not judging the women having the abortions, he is simply speaking based on the judgment that God himself made on the action based off of what his word says, http://www.bible.ca/s-Abortion.html
The 129,000 kids who COULD be adopted from foster care remain there while orders are filled for younger kids.
The 129,000 remain there while 20,000 Americans a year adopt internationally and another 50k adopt privately – also leaving behind those over five years age in orphanages while babies are kidnapped and stolen around the world to fill their orders.
None of this in any way slows down abortions!
Yes, I know women who conceived as a result of rape and chose to carry the child. some even keep that child and raise it lovingly.
Mirah Riben, author, The Stork Market: America’s Multi Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry
http://AdvocatePublications.com
Thinking in terms of abortion and adoption is thinking in terms of the devil and the seep blue sea and eliminating parenting as an option!
Pitting abortion against adoption is very cruel and causes those who are adopted to feel extra gratitude for not having been aborted – anymore than any other human being on the face of the earth! It is also insulting to mothers who place children for adoption.
It is interesting to me that most wish to attack the point of view on Ben’s creating of an “alternative” to abortion. Why should this be so horrific? Why should it be so awful to bear a child and then give it to one who can not have that child or longs for said child? Again, why shouldn’t we donate our bodies to the ultimate creation – life itself? If the issue is in the choice of aborting (physical destruction leading to the removal of a fetus, a fetus that will… eventually become a child)or the choice of creating life – doesn’t our stong sense of survival call us to fight for life?
Motherhood is something that each woman will have to face at some point whether voluntarily or involuntarily, whether choosing to nurture a child for 18+ years or recognizing that she cannot be a mother due to nature or circumstance. When a woman body changes to create a new life – SHE BECOMES A MOTHER, like it or not. Ms. Riben make this statement “Abortion does not “kill” a “child” it terminates a pregnancy”. As far as every scientific test we have known to man – a human woman’s pregnancy ALWAYS results in a human child, not a dog, not a choice, not a jellyfish, hence any distruction of that pregnancy at any time results in the death of a child. So Ben’s statement about “killing of an innocent child” is accurate if the choice is made by someone to “terminate” a pregancy.
We, women want to shout that we have a choice to be a mother. But the fact is once we become pregnant, we have just become a mother. So now the question is how do we deal emotionally change in status. When frightened, when inconvenience, when angry or when feeling like a victim it seems right to us to “remove” the source of our emotional conflict – the baby. In reality, we choose to act cowardly – for the child is not our source of conflict, it is our own inability to step up to the plate and face our own emotions and the challenges this new status brings.
To women who have been raped, I say this – my heart breaks for you and I am angry at the one who forced this situation on you. But, now the choices are yours – will you remain a victim? Will you allow another (the rapist, a parent, society)to dictate your actions and control you just like your attacker? A child created in this circumstance is difficult because we all want a child to be a reflection of a loving relationship. Yet this child can be a reflection of love – your love for him or her, your strength in forgiving, your ability to overcome. And perhaps because of these things, your child will be a better man or woman for it.
Mirah made this comment “Pitting abortion against adoption is very cruel and causes those who are adopted to feel extra gratitude for not having been aborted – anymore than any other human being on the face of the earth! It is also insulting to mothers who place children for adoption.” But the fact of the matter is Ben is not pitting one against the other – he only offered it as a CHOICE to a victim who was stripped of choices. As to all of us “human beings” being forced to feel extra gratitude for not having been aborted – according to this argument, it this not what each of us must feel? As both your mother and mine made a choice to keep us. Therefor we must have that extra gratitude too. It does not insult a mother who gives up a child, but instead should re-affirm to her the joy of her gift.
Laurel made this statement “Women, don’t take the chance: do what’s right for YOU, and let self-righteous twits like Ben get high and mighty about it. He may be screaming at you about murder outside the abortion clinic, but he won’t be there to help you raise that child or deal with the emotional pain of putting a child up for adoption.” She demands that you do what’s right for YOU, but at this point the decisions not totally up to you – it is up to you and your baby. She is right about Ben, specifically, not being able to be there to help you raise your child. Yet if you will look around there are men and women who believe and are convicted in the same views as Ben who work tirelessly to help you carry this burden. I have also known many like Laurel who clamor for me to make it easy and eliminate a problem so I won’t have to deal emotionally with the “separation of adoption” or that of raising an unplanned child, yet they will not be around either when the emotional consequences of YOUR choice come to bear fruit in your life.
Life is always about change – some that we control, some that we have no control over – yet our response to that change says something about who we are, what our character is like and NO ONE HAS THE ABILITY TO TAKE OUR RESPONSE AWAY – But like every response or choice we will have to live the results for our life time.
oh and PS, Laurel, Ben was not stating a code of behavior for women while pregnant as you indicated, but was rather pointing out that for women to say they have the total right to their bodies and how their bodies should be handled/used is false.
“Who knows? Your child could find a cure to cancer or AIDS.”
…This argument is hardly valid as your child could just become another rapist!