Feeling like there just isn’t enough time in the day to make time for your morning, afternoon or evening prayers? 

Well, good news! The Information Age Prayer Service can solve all your problems! The service takes your prayer needs and feeds them to a computer, which will then use voice synthesizers to say your prayers at the appropriate time.
Think this isn’t for you or your religious beliefs? Think again! Their Web site lists Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, unaffiliated and other religion as options. If you don’t fall under any of these categories…well, I suppose they can’t help you much. 

The prayers offered are also diverse. You can buy a monthly subscription for just $3.95 to say your Pater Noster (The Lord’s Prayer)! Or if you’d like to pray for a sick friend (but just can’t find the time), the computer will pray for you — five times a day ($4.95 a month). Hail Mary prayers come in at only seven cents. So, if you don’t like waking up early for Morning Prayer, let Information Age Prayer do it for you. You can even “Show God you’re serious…” and buy a packaged deal.

In all seriousness, this is absurd. Subscribing to a service that has a computer pray for you is a perversion of what prayer is supposed to be. I wondered whether it is a joke or a scam, but the payment links work, so it’s probably a scam. I wish I’d thought of this. What a way to make money — preying on gullible religious people. 

I’d like to say shame on anyone who uses this (and those who made it). I’m not a particularly religious person, but I’m certain if I were, I’d somehow find the time to say a few prayers. And let’s be honest, if God does exist, is he (or she) going to accept a computer’s synthesized voice in lieu of humans who are too lazy to spend time praying?

It’s my understanding prayer is about cultivating a personal relationship with God. You know, spend some time talking to him or her. If I were God, I certainly wouldn’t accept this as a legitimate means of continuing our relationship. I’d be kind of upset you were having a computer do your talking for you. I’d throw some locusts down or something. Maybe some fire and brimstone. It’s like having a computer talk to your wife for you, and if I were your wife…

In all fairness, the Web site does suggest using this service as a supplement, not a replacement, for prayer. So, give them money to pray for you, but don’t stop praying yourself.

If you’re going to have faith, can you commit some time to it? Get on your knees, prostrate yourself, whatever it is you do, and talk to God. Don’t pay a computer to do it for you.