I am very close to the finish line of my college career at NAU. I have had many chances to meet new people and build relationships, test the distance factor in old ones, and learn a few of the particulars about what it takes to keep the relationships tight-knit and meaningful (assuming a meaningful relationship is the goal). 

I only mention the meaningful part because, being the suckers we humans can be, it doesn’t seem like we make friends for all the right reasons.

The other day I was at an obligatory baby shower for a co-worker, sitting around with a group of 10 or so women. As our office small talk inevitably progressed into the touchy area of relationships, which tends to happen when a bunch of females get together, one woman made a confession.

She loudly conveyed her personal joy of dating around – moving from one poor fool to the next with absolutely no intent of finding anyone to keep around for a while.

Thinking this comment was somewhat sad, I asked her, “Why date someone if you already know you don’t want to stick around?” 

She replied, “Who cares if he’s not Mr. Right? People just date for fun.” 

I could tell in her confident generalization of “you” that this is what she believed to be the relationship philosophy of most people, and the correct one at that. But the most popular philosophy doesn’t always end up being the right one.

This pushed me to think about the nature of relationships of any sort (friendships, family ties, romantic relationships, etc.), and what are our goals, motives and reasons for having them at all?

I realized I had recently been hearing a good amount of this particular view on how to handle our relationships with other people — that people come and go from our lives at our convenience, with little worry of the effects of a bond built, but not sustained.

To say the purpose of a friendship -– the conversations, the hanging out, the time spent –- is all “for fun” is a bit too shallow of a pool for me to dive into headfirst. 

If this were true, that would mean the maintaining of relationships would be completely out of concern only for oneself, with complete disregard for the other party involved. We would really just be keeping our friends around in order to avoid the onset of boredom, not because we care for them or want to see them doing well.

This doesn’t mean that every new person you meet at a party needs a 10-minute follow-up call and a hearty chat over pastries and coffee. And it’s not to say that all people don’t care whether or not the bonds they build have any meaning in them. But I would bet you a shiny penny that there are many who don’t.

Friendship is one of the million things I’ve learned more about over these last few years in college. Those things in our lives that touch us are the ones meant to make us stop and think.

So next time you come across a new friend or love interest, take the time to ask yourself “Do I care for this person and want to keep them around? Or are they just giving me something I want at the moment?”“Is this person just fun? Or do I actually want to get to know them better?” 

And based on your answer to these questions, you can get a pretty good idea about who’s here temporarily and who’s here for real.